The curse of dreaming with no time or money. It’s my disease. I’ve realized that what I want to do with my life is dream. There’s too many jobs to do, too many stories to tell, too many people to meet, and not enough time or money. We all make sacrifices, but I believe I’m too impatient for that.
Coming back to Savannah I’ve found myself asking “What am I doing here?” How could a place that made me so happy without once making sense, now give me an urge to want it to make sense. I’m avoiding past situations and creating new ones. I’m spending time developing myself, and it scares me. To actually think about what I want, and more questionably, when I want to do it. I want to write, direct, and music supervise films. I’ve decided. And I wonder why I choose such a long-time working, life fulfilling desire for this, why couldn’t I of chosen something different. More family oriented. More populated. More located. And I guess life doesn’t make sense. But I think the real reason I’ve decided that I want to write and be a director and a music supervisor (Basically I want to be the female version of Zach Braff) is because I KNOW I can do it. And maybe that’s cocky of me. To admit to others that I have so much drive. But I do.
I want to tell beautiful stories. To let others hear beautiful music. To see beautiful things. To inspire and be inspired.
If only I could do it now. You can’t have it all. But everything happens for a reason. And I’m back in Savannah for a reason. I’m just waiting for that reason. Maybe it was time to let myself go from him. Bittersweet but much needed.
Bettering myself. Hmmmmm. What’s a girl to do?
-Lindsay
