let’s just rethink our lives, shall we?
for the past 20 years i’ve lived as pessimist. sometimes by choice, others by not. and with this year, i’ve vowed to be different. an optimist, or at least as an optimistic pessimist.
to which i would question, “what’s wrong with being a pessimist?” am i not allowed to lay all day in an unmade bed, am i not allowed to cry with self pity and pathetic-ness. is it not okay to just live with the sadness and listen to sad songs and turn the lights out? i would argue to a degree and say “this is okay, you are allowed, the heck with the world, the heck with everyone else.” (after all, i am doing so as i write this…) but there’s this fine line where it’s okay to a certain degree and for a certain period of time. i think i’ve overstayed my welcome far too many times.
it seems like all i focus on are either the faults with myself or the possibilities of all the wonderful things to come. the things that make me happy here and now are not tangible and they quickly go and i mourn for them. and that’s where i’ve screwed up. i can’t do that.
there’s so many things i want to say and do and some many people and habits i want to let go of. so, at 7:14 on august 16, 2009 i am here, and feeling sorry for myself, and upset that life isn’t everything i wanted it to be. but at 7:15 on august 16, 2009 it’s a whole different story, and i’m going to enjoy it for what it is….
-lindsay
